I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
