what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
