I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
