sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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