i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
