apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
