I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Randomize
