I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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