It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
