Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
