And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
