walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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