"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
third nipple confirmed
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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