Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
and you said cock pushups were impossible
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
