Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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