I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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