Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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