I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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