Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
