Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Dear god my vagina.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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