i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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