this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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