Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
