Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My vagina is officially offended.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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