I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
