It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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