Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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