Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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