the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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