fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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