I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
