yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
