Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
