used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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