All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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