If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
