Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize