1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
