Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
