oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize