I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
