It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
