Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
one two three fourrrrnication!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
