you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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