You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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