Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
