as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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