I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize