We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you would pick up someone in the library
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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