i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
