im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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