im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
