Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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