...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
