Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
