I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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