I like my sex mixed with concussions.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Someone signed my nipple.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
