false alarm. still invincible.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
