Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
