someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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