so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
