Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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