Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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