Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
