tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
