I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
