I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
