Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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