I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
