i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
