I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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